Isabel: You don’t deserve to ache

Make no mistake – You don’t deserve to ache by Isabel Schulte-Austum

I’m here to tell you, that recovery is possible. After years of fighting, I can now proudly say that I am recovered. I never believed I would reach this point but if I did, so can you. You will be able to go shopping and try on jeans without hatingyour body. You will be able to go to a restaurant with your family and choose what you want without the overwhelming anxiety. You will be able to go out with you friends and not spend the whole night worrying about calories. You will be able to sleep soundly, without waking up in the night becauseyour stomach is growling. You will be able to brush your silky hair without clumps falling out. You will be able to go for a run without pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion. You will be able to relax without having to constantly keep moving. You will be able to stand up and live your life without dizziness and stars in front of your eyes. 

Your head will tell you, that you are not sick enough. But there is no sick enough. Nothing will ever be enough for anorexia. You may be told that your weight is not low enough by health professionals but keep shouting till you are heard. Don’t make the same mistake as I did. Don’t give up if you are dismissed. You are worthy. You deserve help. If you think there is a problem, if you know things can be better, allow yourself to be helped and most importantly keep asking till someone listens. If you cannot find help, do not give up. You can and will get out of this. I’m not saying the journey will be easy. It will be a long hard road with more twists and turns than you can imagine. It’s not as easy as “just eat”. The comfort your eating disorder affords you is not worth the anguish. The pros do not outweigh the cons. The fear you have can be overcome and only goes to show how strong you are. Those who fall and stand up are stronger than those who never fell in the first place. Battling against your thoughts day after day is exhausting, but it is far better than succumbing to anorexia. Life is worth living, free yourself from the chains in your mind and I promise you, everything will be ok. You have to keep going. Look forward to your future, find something that motivates you, something you love, you will come out the other side. Whether you have been suffering for years or months, there is no need to endure this pain a second longer. Choose recovery, choose recovery day after day until one day it is no longer a choice but a fact.

My message here is one of hope. I know how incredibly difficult this is, but you don’t have to do it alone. There is a whole army of warriors rooting for you, supporting you. I believe in you and there is hope. You can and will recover and even if you may at this moment not believe me, the fight is worth it. Life is worth living, you can let go of anorexia. Please don’t let your illness win. You are at the bottom of a black hole, climb up and let the sunlight in.

Isabel x