Annie's Poem: A Letter To Myself

Hey beautiful soul,

Do you know how proud I am of you. You are amazing and don't you ever forget it.

You are stronger than you know, and you are far more beautiful than you will ever see or realise.

Sure the world hasn't been kind to you, and you haven't been kind to yourself either.

You've done everything in your power to destroy the vessel you were blessed with.

You've burnt it, slashed it, bruised it, split it, pierced it, shrunk it, squeezed it, broken it, bitten it, screamed at it, abused it, exposed it, thrown it, hacked away at it, over exercised it, over worked it, deprived it, frozen it, permanently damaged it, stunted its growth, narrowed it, weighed it, starved it and several times you almost killed it.

You've laid in bed at night afraid to sleep, afraid that you won't make it through the night, that you'll die before the dawn. You've listened to your heart beat abnormally fast, watched your blood pressure fall and rise. You've been measured, prodded, weighed, examined and medically treated. You stopped eating and drinking completely. You needed to be admitted to hospital as a matter of emergency because your heart was compromised and so were your organs, you were losing weight every day, wasting away. A dietician told you that your morals were disordered. You've been hugged by many a nurse when you broke down crying on your hospital bed, cried while ordering your meals for the day and cried at the reflection before you.

Don't cry sweet one, I'm here now.

I believe in you. I love you and will look after you.

You suffered for so long. You suffered unimaginable pain and destroyed yourself for a peace of mind you never received.

It's okay not be okay all the time.

Recovery is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do and every day that you live, is a day that you win. 

Nothing will pain you like your eating disorder did, the blur of years spent alone, suffering in silence.

But I'm here now. You've got this, you always did and you always will.

Perhaps you will always have that voice in your mind but one day it will quieten and soon it will be silent.

You will live longer than before, love harder than before and be more than you ever imagined.

The world awaits before you. 

So fall in love with all that you are, all that you were and all that you are going to be.

You are not anorexia.

You are beautiful just the way you are.

You are worthy.

You deserve recovery.

You deserve happiness and abundance.

I love you always, keep fighting the good fight Angel. 

P.s. I recovered! Who would have guessed but you did it and I am so very proud of you. I have fallen in love with myself and I am in love with my life, and the beautiful earth and all her darling creations. I knew you could do it. 

I recovered through learning and using the law of attraction and discovering spirituality.

I know now that I am the creator and that I am in control.

Your thoughts become your reality, and you can either choose your path out of fear or love.

But there is only ever love, and love is all that we were, all that we are and all that we are going to be.

There is only ever the present and the key to happiness is to stay present and grounded.

Keeping a gratitude journal daily has allowed me to count my blessings and focus on positivity.

Practising mindfulness and meditation daily has allowed me to connect to my inner goddess and heal my soul.

We are all so infinitely beautiful and capable, and the universe is always guiding and holding us.

We are all energy. Energy cannot be created or destroyed and thus we are infinite, all of us are vibrating on our own frequencies on a field of infinite magnitude and abundance.

So to all my fellow warriors. You are far stronger and beautiful that you know.

I know that the world has wonderful things in store for you.

I know that you can do this.

You can choose recovery.

You can choose your destiny.

It does get better, I promise.

You are me.

I am you.

We are love.

Love is one.

Choose love not fear. 

Choose recovery not pain.

I believe in you, and we are all rooting for you.

You've got this Angel, you always did and you always will. 

Much love, peace and blessings from a fellow warrior, 

Annie.