Clara Xirsh: You are not alone

Hi Warriors,

This is my story that I want to share with the troops. And remember...

You are Not Alone.

“Extreme dieting.”

That’s what I would tell anyone who asked what I was doing.

Surrounded by the stigma around receiving mental health services and afraid of what people might think if I admitted I had a problem, I told everyone who asked that I was “extreme dieting”.

It was a complete lie, of course. When my mum saw through my act and confronted me about it, I didn’t speak to her for weeks. How dare she accuse me of having an eating disorder! I’m fine, I told myself.

For the ones who are struggling to accept that they need help: you are not alone.

My mother begged me to go to the doctor, get blood tests, see someone — all of which I refused to do.

I think sometimes we shut people out who try to help because letting them in would mean letting our thoughts out. Maybe you keep some things in your head because if you let them out it’d be too real.

Suffering silently doesn’t make you a martyr; it doesn’t make the thoughts go away.

That voice is still there, diagnosed or not, eating away at your mind and your life.

For the ones who are undiagnosed: you are not alone.

I used to be the girl who loved to dance. I was the one who spent every second of the day dreaming of the moment she’d get to step inside the studio and do what she loved.

I listened when she said I was fat. I stopped correcting my technique in the mirror and started correcting my body.

I allowed myself to waste away until I had to hold onto my knees, wheezing after every combination.

I physically couldn’t dance anymore and I still hated what I saw in the mirror.

For the ones who are self-destructing because they can’t bring themselves to ask for the help they need: you are not alone.

There’s more to life than being ruled by voices in your head. Take the hard path, because it gets easier. Choose to stand up for yourself because that’s what you deserve.

Clara.