Ariel McLaughlin: My name is Ariel

Dear Warriors, 

This is my poem, 

This is my story. 

Love from Ariel. 

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A demon inside you that keeps you awake

She tells you that eating would be a mistake

You don't deserve the food that is there

If you eat anything, everyone will stare

Skinny is the only word that you know

You feel the eyes of the world burning your soul

Every night is a hurdle, you try to hide

You try to hide that demon inside

You eat just to convince them that you're not fighting a battle

A battle you've long lost

Alone in your sheets, planning your "meals" meticulously

Getting through each day, trying so hard to hide your pain

She tells you she'll help you, she'll be your friend

She tells you to listen, when you're thin, the pain will end

People will like you, envy you even

They'll regret ever making fun

Jokes on them, you have more self-control

Countless hours spent, staring and pinching

Trying to fix something that didn't need any fixing

Broken and shattered, you're a slave to her now

She's made it so hard to find a way out

Absurd habits are formed, she tells you it's fine

She makes excuses to convince people it's alright

Struggling to breath, you realise you're not there

She's replaced you, the real you is buried deep somewhere

Body screaming in pain, you fight to survive

Realising now that she's after your life

The battle is not lost, it's only beginning

She screams that you need her, without her you're nothing

But under the ashes, the real you starts rising

She screams and fights as I light her on fire

Shrieking that I will not survive without her

But now I know that that is a lie

For under the ashes and through the heavy storm

I have learned that without her I am something, something much more. 

You see, I'm a warrior.

I fight her everyday

I realise that she is the one who inflicted all this pain

Through turmoil and grief, I've realised some things;

I am unique, a jewel beyond measure.

To love myself is not and should not be hard, it is a pleasure

I have talents and dreams, that is not a lie

And for the first time in 5 years, I think I am beginning to say my final goodbyes

To this tortuous voice that's killed me inside

I suffer from Anorexia. But my name is Ariel.