Antonia Fox: Mirror mirror

Hi Warriors!

I’m Antonia, I’m been in recovery for 2 years and I’m feeling on the tips of feeling like my MOST POSSIBLY FREE self. I can do anything again! (Well… Almost)

I’ve ticked off all my fear foods, I’m fully weight restored and now I feel strong enough to give others advice.

For me the thing which was often the loudest when I was ill, was mirrors… my reflection was the weapon my anorexia would often use against me. If I was needing to feel guilty or get an extra dose of self hate, my mind would walk me to a mirror and I’d stand there body checking until I was consumed with the screams in my head. Fat fat fat.

And it would get kick started when I was out, shopping for clothes… window reflections on streets or even the little side mirrors on the yogurt isle. The vending machine reflection at school, my phone reflection… and obsessing over photos was my worst way of seeing my most untrue reflection. Fat fat fat. All I heard and all I saw.

In my first year of recovery it was still very loud and full of hate. But in my second year I’ve managed to work on it… a lot! And I have some advice and some self yay victories to share.

I no longer see my worry in my reflection, I no longer feel fear when I see my physic, I no longer feel lost when I look in to my own eyes. I now recognise myself in the mirror and that's my relationship.

I’ve discovered so much about reflection is a relationship. It’s a head, heart, thought, action… connection, reaction and relationship.

My relationship with the mirror is a respect for myself, I look, I recognise, I respect and I move on. Respecting your reflection is the most encouraging way to accept your reflection.

Self love in a nutshell is based upon an acceptance for who you are in that present moment. Now… I’m the carefree young lady that my family and friends have so longed for. I can now enjoy life to the fullest.

I don’t ‘love’ the way I look all the time but I understand self love comes in waves and either way I no longer ‘fixate’ my day around how I look.

My advice is to work on the reaction connection with the mirror. To focus on the thoughts. But more so that anything focus on the motive for looking.

Ask yourself, question why you looked. Why are you looking in the mirror? Is it to feel bad? To punish yourself? What is that relationship? Is it respectful? Kind?

I invite you to find peace with your reflection and remember that there is so much more to life than mirrors. I look, I recognise, I respect and I move on. 

It’s easier said that done… trust me I know. But the more you practice, the more it will be imprinted.

No matter what I look like in the mirror, I always reflect to myself what the motive is or was.

Was it to judge my body?

Was it to get an eyelash out of my eye?

Was it to check my wedgie?

Was it to see my outfit?

Was it to feel bad about the way I looked?

Was it to compare myself to others?

Was it to see if I had brushed my teeth well?

Was it to see if….

Then I know from the answer whether I am being respectful, being accepting or being kind to myself.

Sending all the strength to everyone!

Love, Antonia x